How to overcome your fear of death/of life?

Do you realise how much of our dreams never come true because of the fear? How often do we choose not to act, not to move, not to change? Did you ever ask yourself: why? 

The answer: "Because it's rather good as it is" - is a wrong one. If everything in our life - and on our planet, and in the the Universe! - could be good as it is, we would never experience an evolution. But we do experience it, every day, and every moment!

I can tell you: this is fear that prevents our steps forward. Sometimes it's okay to be afraid. It's a way to preserve the energy, to take a break... before a big leap forward. Otherwise, it's also a step... forward the death. "What doesn't grow, gets stagnated, grows old and dies", told us our anthropology teacher at the university. Why do we, people get stuck and let the life go along without us??

My opinion is: because of the fear of death which causes the fer of life. Let me tell you the story.

I was a child of three when my mother told a friend of hers about a dead dog in the place where we lived. They were going to send a letter to some organization about it. I asked my mother about the death and she told me without hesitation that everybody including myself would die. "But what does it mean, mama? What will I be then?" "Nothing", she told me. 

I can't tell you how much horror I got after having learned this. I woke up at night crying and shouting: "No-no-no-no-no!!!" I saw something black, an endless and scary NOTHING. And also: NEVER. I will never come back, it will end for me. I don't want it. And I can't change it. 

Some kinds of music could send me in this mood, some poetry. I liked the stars but was cautious when I looked into the black sky in the North of Russia, not wanting to meet this fear again...

This fear came back occasionally and not often, but even as an adult, I could have it from time to time. I am grateful for the fear of death. Thanks to it, I started looking for the spirituality much earlier than the most of the people I knew. I've read loads of books, attended many seminars and workshops. I made many big steps in my life. Several books and several meetings with people helped me to heal myself and to gain another attitude towards the life and the death. I got my belief and now, I am aware of the fact that the Life is much more than only appearing on Earth, growing old and dying. I know about the energy, also about the very specific aspects of it. And can feel and use it, as well.

But what's very important: I understood how my fear of death blocked my love for life. I was afraid to live my life in a full strength: to act with a power, to make choices, to stand on my own ground, to share my feelings and to get really attached to people. Because... just imagine that one day, all these great and lovely things will be lost for me?

Many psychologist have special terms for this. I am sure: it's not more than a fear of death and of life. 

The last years I started to grow more and more confident. Living in a foreign country, I had to be more of a fighter in order to be seen in this society. I am not afraid of speaking in the public any more. I have given several lectures about the health and the alternative medicine, in Dutch. I send messages and call completely unknown persons in order to build up some cooperation. I am free of many social fears.

 But the very big and deep fear of death is still here. It lifts its head when the situation feels dangerous on a biological level. I am not afraid of walking in the dark or passing-by some crowds. I even can make myself invisible. But if a person (mostly a man) is being aggressive and pushing, especially, if he tries to hide it under some "social mask" and I can feel it... I am afraid, yes.

A couple of days ago, I had a situation which I am very proud of. The same feeling I had... probably just once, very many years ago, during the archaeological practice in the Russian forests. Then I, a young girl, tried to get products for the expedition (the leader went to visit his parents in the town, we didn't have much food). And I was attacked by a crazy man who probably hadn't seen a female figure for years. You know what? I just gathered all my strength and got crazy, too. I was able to shout, to beat him and to scare him off! 

This time, nobody tried to rape me. Not psychically. But still, he tried to play with my personal borders. A client came to the TCM clinic where I normally work for two days and this time, I worked instead of a colleague. When I greeted the client, he smiled (actually, showed me his teeth as a predator) and told me: "No, I don't want to be treated by you, I want another doctor".

"Did you make an appointment with her only?" - I asked.

"No, but I expected her today".

"Sorry, sir, that doctor is away, I came specially for you today, would you like go with me?'

And then he smiled even broader: "I understand your inconvenience, but I am not agree with it'. 

"But did you try my treatment?"

"No - and I am not giving a try. I am not interested in you. I want another doctor".

And you know... I got very angry. Just very angry. I lost all the social skills at once. Because this... not giving a try, this scary smile with an aggression beneath... just made me explode. 

I told him: "Fine, sir. According to our policy, you are here and refuse the treatment, you didn't warn us 24 hours beforehand. So, you'll receive an invoice from us. You are free to go!"

(And I am not an owner, but it wasn't an issue for me).

He didn't like it and very quickly, he decided still to give it a try. "But you will not want it anymore, madam?" he asked me, very cautiously. "I will do it, I love my work". 

We went for the treatment and burst into laughter. It was such a strange situation. I felt my energy flowing free, with a big power. The treatment was very useful. The client brought his apologies to me in presence of the receptionist. And made an appointment, with me this time. 

"You are very courageous", he told me. And I thanked him for helping me to overcome my fear and to get my courage. 

Another coincidence: that client told me that being a scientist he is interested in... the death. And that he has been working on this issue for a long time. 

The days of Light

Yesterday one of the biggest Indian festivals of Diwali took place. Oficially, it has lasted for five days. But I learnt about it only yesterday morning.

I got very curious and decided to read as much as I could about this tradition. It looks like an Indian New Year and people celebrate it with: cleaning their houses, wearing new clothes, buying presents for each otheer and, what's the most important, with the rituals such as burning the lights and doing the firework. The pictures are quite impressive!

Myself, I think a lot about the Light and try to find the innder Light of the Soul in every creature, first of all, in every person whom I meet. And my own Light as well...

I realize that in English this word has two meanings: as a noun, it's the Light of the sun, but you also can be light... not heavy... Does it mean that if you are full of Light, you are not too heavy and can move around easier? Can be.

Lighting the candles in my house, I looked at the flame and asked it to burn all the heavy stuff which my soul can contain: all the difficult feelings which I hadn't let go yet. I asked the flame to purify me, to make me lighter, happier, to let me shine and enjoy it...

Fire is my friend from my very young age. I beleive that the Fire can support me and give me advice. This is something what you can do, too. If you have doubts, pains, sadness - just sit for the candle of the campfire. And ask the Fire to help you. After that, don't forget to express your gratitude to Agni - the spirit of the Fire!

Asato ma sat gamaya | (असतो मा सद्गमय ।)
Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya | (तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय ।)
Mṛtyor ma amṛtam gamaya | (मृत्योर्मा अमृतं गमय ।)
Om shanti shanti shantihi || (ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥)

From Shiny Woman to the World

 Hello my friends!

My name is Asya and I am a Shiny Woman. Maybe, if you read these lines, you think: yeah sure. I am a Shiny Woman (Man) as well! It can be. We are all the creatures of Light and all of us can do Magic. It's not about using some 'mumbo-jumbo' language (as one dear friend of me calls it :)) Not about the incantations or casting spells.

Magic is more about coming into the action when you don't know the result, don't have any insurance about it, probably are very, very afraid. And then - in the middle of nowhere of your action - you begin to feel the beat of the Life. You just go on and on, despite all the memories of your own and the genetic memories of your parents and ancestors telling you: 'Stop, dangerous!'

The flower of belief becomes a tree of Trust. And... you are there. Because you have always been there. Near the Source. And then, you understand: this is Magic.

let me share one of my experiences with you. Because I really hated to appear somewhere too early, most of the time I was too late for my work at a big no-nonsense company. We were to gather in some place in St-Petersburg and then a big bus would take us to the office which was near the plant, not available by public transport.

When I was too late, I had to go by taxi. It frustrated me a lot. One day, I was again too late and of course tensed, angry and despaired. And then... I thought about a book which I was reading at that moment. Of Shakti Gawain, I still know it, now Shakti as a Power is back in my life!

 She explained how the time could be flexible and how we, being relaxed and accepting, could do some magic with it! So, I exhaled. And stopped running and swearing. I asked myself:
- 'You'll be too late, so what?'
-' It's not good, my senior at work will go apeshit!' (That lady was very much in a PMS-state all the time.)
- ' So what?'
- ' But, what if she gets me fired?'
- ' So what? Will you die?'
' - No, but...'
' - Will somebody of your folks die, your friends?'
' - No!'

This dialogue with myself was very fast. And I took the train in the metro when it was obviously too late. You know what?.. When I reached the place, I was there 5 minutes earlier than I did at my normal days!

What was it, if not a magic action?
And about the casting spells... the words are very powerful. You can heal and you can kill, using them! What works the most powerful, is the intention behind the words. This I know, this I would like to share with you....

For today, my most favorite spell is that of gratitude. I am grateful for... (.......)
Another one is: I AM HAPPY.
If you don't feel happy, just try to say it and add a feeling to it, as if a warm wave flows through your body. Don't you feel your body very well? Let's exercise in it in the following blogs. I can tell you how...

Your Shiny Woman.