How to overcome your fear of death/of life?

Do you realise how much of our dreams never come true because of the fear? How often do we choose not to act, not to move, not to change? Did you ever ask yourself: why? 

The answer: "Because it's rather good as it is" - is a wrong one. If everything in our life - and on our planet, and in the the Universe! - could be good as it is, we would never experience an evolution. But we do experience it, every day, and every moment!

I can tell you: this is fear that prevents our steps forward. Sometimes it's okay to be afraid. It's a way to preserve the energy, to take a break... before a big leap forward. Otherwise, it's also a step... forward the death. "What doesn't grow, gets stagnated, grows old and dies", told us our anthropology teacher at the university. Why do we, people get stuck and let the life go along without us??

My opinion is: because of the fear of death which causes the fer of life. Let me tell you the story.

I was a child of three when my mother told a friend of hers about a dead dog in the place where we lived. They were going to send a letter to some organization about it. I asked my mother about the death and she told me without hesitation that everybody including myself would die. "But what does it mean, mama? What will I be then?" "Nothing", she told me. 

I can't tell you how much horror I got after having learned this. I woke up at night crying and shouting: "No-no-no-no-no!!!" I saw something black, an endless and scary NOTHING. And also: NEVER. I will never come back, it will end for me. I don't want it. And I can't change it. 

Some kinds of music could send me in this mood, some poetry. I liked the stars but was cautious when I looked into the black sky in the North of Russia, not wanting to meet this fear again...

This fear came back occasionally and not often, but even as an adult, I could have it from time to time. I am grateful for the fear of death. Thanks to it, I started looking for the spirituality much earlier than the most of the people I knew. I've read loads of books, attended many seminars and workshops. I made many big steps in my life. Several books and several meetings with people helped me to heal myself and to gain another attitude towards the life and the death. I got my belief and now, I am aware of the fact that the Life is much more than only appearing on Earth, growing old and dying. I know about the energy, also about the very specific aspects of it. And can feel and use it, as well.

But what's very important: I understood how my fear of death blocked my love for life. I was afraid to live my life in a full strength: to act with a power, to make choices, to stand on my own ground, to share my feelings and to get really attached to people. Because... just imagine that one day, all these great and lovely things will be lost for me?

Many psychologist have special terms for this. I am sure: it's not more than a fear of death and of life. 

The last years I started to grow more and more confident. Living in a foreign country, I had to be more of a fighter in order to be seen in this society. I am not afraid of speaking in the public any more. I have given several lectures about the health and the alternative medicine, in Dutch. I send messages and call completely unknown persons in order to build up some cooperation. I am free of many social fears.

 But the very big and deep fear of death is still here. It lifts its head when the situation feels dangerous on a biological level. I am not afraid of walking in the dark or passing-by some crowds. I even can make myself invisible. But if a person (mostly a man) is being aggressive and pushing, especially, if he tries to hide it under some "social mask" and I can feel it... I am afraid, yes.

A couple of days ago, I had a situation which I am very proud of. The same feeling I had... probably just once, very many years ago, during the archaeological practice in the Russian forests. Then I, a young girl, tried to get products for the expedition (the leader went to visit his parents in the town, we didn't have much food). And I was attacked by a crazy man who probably hadn't seen a female figure for years. You know what? I just gathered all my strength and got crazy, too. I was able to shout, to beat him and to scare him off! 

This time, nobody tried to rape me. Not psychically. But still, he tried to play with my personal borders. A client came to the TCM clinic where I normally work for two days and this time, I worked instead of a colleague. When I greeted the client, he smiled (actually, showed me his teeth as a predator) and told me: "No, I don't want to be treated by you, I want another doctor".

"Did you make an appointment with her only?" - I asked.

"No, but I expected her today".

"Sorry, sir, that doctor is away, I came specially for you today, would you like go with me?'

And then he smiled even broader: "I understand your inconvenience, but I am not agree with it'. 

"But did you try my treatment?"

"No - and I am not giving a try. I am not interested in you. I want another doctor".

And you know... I got very angry. Just very angry. I lost all the social skills at once. Because this... not giving a try, this scary smile with an aggression beneath... just made me explode. 

I told him: "Fine, sir. According to our policy, you are here and refuse the treatment, you didn't warn us 24 hours beforehand. So, you'll receive an invoice from us. You are free to go!"

(And I am not an owner, but it wasn't an issue for me).

He didn't like it and very quickly, he decided still to give it a try. "But you will not want it anymore, madam?" he asked me, very cautiously. "I will do it, I love my work". 

We went for the treatment and burst into laughter. It was such a strange situation. I felt my energy flowing free, with a big power. The treatment was very useful. The client brought his apologies to me in presence of the receptionist. And made an appointment, with me this time. 

"You are very courageous", he told me. And I thanked him for helping me to overcome my fear and to get my courage. 

Another coincidence: that client told me that being a scientist he is interested in... the death. And that he has been working on this issue for a long time.